


If This Is Our Fate

by IttyBittyTeapot (LittleSeedofDarkness)



Series: As Time Stood Still [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bittersweet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ereri canonverse Weekend 2017, Fluff, M/M, Porn with Feelings, canon age gap, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 22:23:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10523112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSeedofDarkness/pseuds/IttyBittyTeapot
Summary: They haven't fought Titans for months, but on the eve of battle, Eren has plans for Levi, and something he must tell him.But there’s no rest on the horizon, and for how lovely their time has been there, Eren’s still afraid for tomorrow. He’s never experienced fear like this before, and the feeling he's going to die is present, but the dread that he'll lose Levi is harder, deeper, sticks in his chest like a boulder sinking him, making him unmovable. He looks at Levi, feels the heat in his eyes, they sting so much, but he swears he's not going to cry.Written For: Ereri Canonverse Weekend, Day 2: Secret





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have to thank [Icecat45](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecat45/pseuds/Icecat45) for helping with this prompt. I had a terrible time coming up with an idea. Not only that, but our conversations have helped me so much with new ideas and bringing them to life. <3

  "Did you get it?" Eren calls when he sees Armin coming nearer, though he can't tell if he has what he's sent him to obtain or not. He’s fidgety, and since he’s asked Armin for a favor, he doesn’t want to appear too pushy or as if he’s ungrateful.

  "I have them, I have them, Eren. Stop acting so weird." Regardless of Eren attempting to cover his eagerness, Armin senses it, and quickly flings the bag from his shoulder, holds it out to Eren and looks at him suspiciously. "I don't know what's so important that you need these fancy blankets. I had to go all the way to the other side of town for them."

  "They aren’t ‘fancy,' just soft, but thank you." There hasn't been enough time for him to gather everything he needs, not on this short of notice, and Eren didn’t explain it all to Armin either. It's too private, too _sacred_. Perhaps something beyond that. Bigger than a _secret_ , though not as big of a secret as what he plans to tell Levi tonight. Still, he’s thankful Armin is willing to assist him.

  "It has something to do with the Captain, doesn't it?" Unsurprising to Eren, there's concern in Armin's voice, the tone doesn't sound judgmental, though.

  "Levi?" Eren quietly asks, regardless that he’s aware of what Armin’s getting at. He's onto him, Eren has an awareness of it, has expected him to discover the truth for months. Still, he doesn't feel prepared to tell him.

  "Yes, ‘ _Levi_ ,' or as the rest of us call him, ‘ _Captain_.'"

  "Yeah, I have something planned for him, so don't tell him about the blankets, or that I sent you to get anything, or that you've seen me if he asks."

  "So, this plan includes more than just staying in his room, like every other night lately?"

  He's been caught out, and Eren knows making excuses is fruitless. Lying to Armin will only serve as an insult. Additionally, he doesn't want to shut him out. He’s wanted to share this with his friend, desires to be open about something which causes his heart to swell with a joy he’s never experienced before. There simply hasn't been a good way to broach the subject up until now, and he’s apprehensive about what his reaction will be. "Yes. There's something I need to do before we leave tomorrow. It's important."

  "Are you sleeping with him?" Armin asks, he sounds neutral, but Eren can see the concerned furrow in his brow, the way his mouth quirks.

  Eren’s eyes are all fire and intensity as he turns toward Armin. He’s astonished he suddenly came out and asked, so matter-of-factly, muttered those words right out in the open. Yes, he's sleeping with him, but that physical connection is such a minuscule piece of the immense bond between them, and the enormity of it's not easy for Eren to express. "I love him, Armin."

  Armin steps back, it's like he's stumbling over those words, not because he doesn't believe them, but because he's equally surprised to hear them as Eren was after hearing his question. Not only that, but his focus immediately turns to the protection of Eren, worried there’s a risk of him tossing his heart away, having it broken. "Eren…that's…I mean, do you think he feels the same way?"

  "I know he does. It's _not_ what you suspect, it’s not me worshipping him or Levi playing with me, or me being more serious than him, and I don't have time to make you understand, but trust me." Eren feels like he should be insulted, but he _gets_ it. A year ago he likely would have yelled at Armin, argued with him, incredulous that he’d dare ask him such a thing, but not anymore, not now.

  Despite his concerns, Armin's watched how Levi hovers over Eren, almost from the beginning, sees the extra attention he gives him. He knows when they're on the battlefield that as much as Levi tries to stay neutral and objective and not be obvious, he slips sometimes and is at Eren's side before he really should be, protective. He's known for months that Levi has feelings for Eren, has glimpsed the way he looks at him, noticed that Levi is unable to tear his gaze away, but he didn't know how deep it all went. "I trust you, but remember, we're leaving tomorrow. Whatever you’re planning, we have to be ready in the morning."

  "I know, that's why this is so important. If there's a chance we don't come back, I need to do this before it's too late." Eren doesn’t want to leave. Their existence has been more relaxed as of late, and now they’re going to clear out a forest between the walls. It doesn’t feel right, perhaps because they had little warning, but he can’t rid himself of the feeling that it’s something else, and he’s only able to fret that he’ll lose Levi or his friends.

  “We’ll all make it back, Eren,” Armin says. It’s assurance that rings hollow despite Armin’s intentions after all they’ve suffered.

  Eren can see his friend is still concerned; he knows his distress is evident. He’s been concealing his relationship with Levi – or so he thought he had been, and hiding his anxiety about the mission, and it’s tormenting him. Keeping it inside is becoming more difficult, and without Levi, he knows he would have fallen into despair.

  As much as his skin prickles once more with anxiety, he focuses on his plans; there’s no time for this brooding. “Remember, don’t tell Levi you’ve seen me if he asks.”

  “Alright, Eren.” Armin turns to leave, stops mid-step, calls to him. “What if he’s worried or something?”

  “He won’t be. I’ll find him soon.”

  Returning to his task, Eren bids Armin goodbye and proceeds back to HQ. He doesn’t have the time he’d like to grab everything, but does his best, stuffing the rest of what he needs into another bag, then hauls everything over his shoulders and makes his way outside of the city.

  He’s picked a spot near the gate, close enough that they can quickly return if they’re needed, yet distant enough from prying eyes so that they’ll be left alone. There’s a small hill, its surface blanketed with the shade of a massive oak; one Eren finds rather beautiful. He and Levi have come here before, always without forethought, but when they’ve gone on walks together outside the city they’ve both found themselves wandering this way, sitting under its protective branches when they arrive. Sometimes laying on the fresh grass, counting the stars in the night sky, the ones they can only see between its knotty boughs.

  When he arrives, he drops his bags down, wants to get everything ready as quickly as possible so he can find Levi and bring him here. He thinks the sentiment may be pedestrian, clichéd; bringing Levi up to this place for something like a romantic ‘date,' to profess his love for him using his voice under a beautiful tree, but he doesn’t quite care. These aren’t the kinds of things Levi would do, but Eren knows he appreciates these small things he does for him, finds them sweet, charming.

  He knows Levi loves him, that he’s aware of his love for him as well, and although Eren is sure hearing it isn’t as enormous to Levi as it is to him, he wants to say it. It’s like some perfect line that still sits between them, a line not crossed, and Eren seeks to demolish that line, erase it from existence.

  He’s whispered the endearment close to Levi’s ear while he sleeps, breathed it against his neck in the night with his hand pressed over Levi’s heart. He knows Levi’s heard them as he dreams, feels them, feels _it_ , but Eren needs to say the words when he’s awake, watch his expression, meet his eyes, then show him afterward.

  The fear something will befall one of them is still poignant, and he pictures himself sprawled on the ground somewhere dying, Levi not within his sight, his last moments weighted down with regret at not having said them. Or even worse, finding Levi too late, gone from him forever, and wanting to destroy himself because the moment has slipped through his fingers.

  All these feelings he has, the thoughts he’s compelled to voice, is why he attentively prepares the area now, makes his way around the tree collecting fallen branches, building them into what will later become a fire. He puts the teapot next to it, a jug of water, spreads out the ‘fancy’ blankets Armin fetched for him and opts to take his smaller bag along which has the tea, and a few other items tucked away in it. The chances someone would stumble upon all he has laid out is slim, but if it were to happen, he wants the most valuable things with him.

  As he returns to the town, he’s flustered, rehearsing what he’ll say, and how. Visions of the evening dance through his mind, while he tests mentally what his responses will be to Levi’s possible reactions. And that unease doesn’t settle even as he reassures himself of Levi’s love for him. He _knows_ he loves him, has sensed it, noticed it in his eyes, in the expressions that roll across his face when he touches him, whispers against his cheek, pulls back to gaze at him.

  The recollection gives him pause as he reaches HQ, and he stops to center himself when he reaches Levi’s office, then enters, and finds him behind his desk, the half-smile Levi only gives Eren appearing on his face as he shoves his papers to the side. Some of the anxiety slips away as Levi moves from his chair, comes around to stand before Eren, leans up to kiss him.

  That’s all Eren needs, it’s like the purest water washing over him, rinsing all the darkness away; the sensation of soft lips as they brush against his mouth, a swipe of Levi’s tongue when he tastes him there, warm and gentle when it slides against his own. Arms that wrap around him, protective, reassuring.

  Levi can feel the tension in Eren’s body, also feels when it begins to retreat as his hands run over his back, strips it from his body. Something he learned from Eren about touching after countless hours spent under his hands.

  Still, Levi knows something vexes Eren. He pulls back to look up at him, lays one last chaste kiss against Eren’s lips. He hasn’t figured out how to ask these questions, but he tries. There’s always that lump in his throat before he forces them out, though he's improving. “Something’s wrong?”

  “I’m worried about tomorrow,” Eren says, ashamed at his admission.

  “It’s nothing like what we were up against last time.” Levi wants to tell Eren that nothing bad will happen to them, but he knows it’s a luxury they’re not allowed, and for all his flaws, he’s no liar.

  “But it feels different this time.”

  “We haven’t been on a mission for a while, and a lot has changed.” Levi suspects he knows why Eren is nervous for this mission, but he’s not certain, and a part of him doesn’t want to accept it. It’s possible their romance has caused more difficulty for him. Their bond doesn’t make the prospect of death easier to live with; only makes it harder. Conversely, refusing each other, refusing the relationship wouldn’t have caused the love to die either, and he refuses to regret it. He could never regret Eren.

  Instead, Levi tugs Eren down for a kiss, tries to calm him that way, leads him toward the bed to make love to him, as they always do when he’s unsettled, but Eren halts his movements and pulls away.

  “Not now. I want to take you somewhere.” It’s not that Eren wouldn’t be happy to fuck right now, but he’s excited to bring Levi to the hill, and already planned for this later.

  Levi quirks an eyebrow and gives Eren that half-smile again. “Where’s that?”

  “It’s a secret, but we’re not coming back to HQ tonight.”

  “Do I need anything?” There’s an impulsivity in this that under other circumstances, with anyone else, Levi would despise, but not with Eren. With Eren things like this make him feel like he’s soaring, as if he’s ten years younger. All the cares and weight of the world lift, apathy turns to hope, and the gloom is replaced with light.

  “I have everything,” Eren says when he takes Levi’s hand. He’s not relinquishing his hold; he doesn’t care who sees them anymore. Strokes Levi’s knuckles as they walk through the halls, never once lets go when they walk through the streets of the town, out the gate, and all the way to the hill. And Levi brushes scarred fingers over Eren’s skin in return, kisses him when he sees the camp Eren has made before they climb to the top.

  He never believed he would be so carefree, and never in matters such as this, never thought he was worthy of this sort of affection. Sometimes he still feels he isn’t, but Eren’s presence and the way he looks at him is reassuring. It draws him back into his arms, the one place that grounds him.

  There’s silence between them as they climb to the top, still quiet when Eren pulls Levi down to lay on the blanket with him, the same way Levi does for him every evening when he arrives in his bedroom.

  Levi puts his hand over his heart, too, like always, then speaks. “Is this what you were up to all day?”

  “Yeah. It wasn’t easy, but I have dinner and tea.” He looks down at the blankets upon which they’re laying. “Armin helped me with these. I didn’t have much time.”

  “Does he know?” Levi asks, and there’s amusement in his tone.

  “I didn’t tell him at first, but he already had it figured out.”

  “I’m sure everyone knows now.” The halls weren’t empty as they left HQ.

  “I don’t care,” Eren confesses.

  “Neither do I.” Levi kisses Eren gently, makes him know how much he doesn’t care using his mouth and hands, with his leg capturing his, tangling around, pulling Eren closer.

  They move together through the familiar comfort of kissing before undressing each other, skin against skin once the fabric is gone, searing themselves into one another, then coupling, Levi inside Eren. Out under the shining sun, knowing the scouts patrolling the wall can see them in late afternoon’s light. And they don’t care, the burden lifts, and they’re lighter for it. Not all their worries are eliminated, but the prick of light in the abyss that is each other is no longer a secret.

  It’s as if time moved, the two of them not a part of it. And when they both awaken from the afterglow and night has descended, there’s playfulness as Eren throws Levi’s clothing at him. Then the modest dinner of fruit and bread, and finally tea. Always tea, as they have every night in Levi’s room before sleep.

  But there’s no rest on the horizon, and for how lovely their time has been there, Eren’s still afraid for tomorrow. He’s never experienced fear like this before, and the feeling he's going to die is present, but the dread that he'll lose Levi is harder, deeper, sticks in his chest like a boulder sinking him, making him unmovable. He looks at Levi, feels the heat in his eyes, they sting so much, but he swears he's not going to cry.

  His mouth moves with false starts, too many to count, and Levi is looking at him not puzzled but solicitously, worried. The change in his expression is barely there, but Eren sees how his eyes crinkle at the corners, lips drawing thinner like they do before he attempts to save someone in battle.

  "What's wrong, Eren?" Levi asks. He sounds uneasy.

  Eren swallows hard, feels like he can't move, can't talk, but he needs to say something. He didn't drag Levi all the way up here to sit and say nothing, make him fret. He has a reason. “Before we go tomorrow, I need you to know that...I love you."

  It's not eloquent, not as romantic or sweet as he envisioned, he yelled that last part as if they were having an argument, but Eren's said it, and it's the best he can do given the circumstances. And he wishes he could read Levi a little better because he's just looking at him, and hasn't said a word, but Eren desires to hear it in return, then wants Levi to reassure him they aren't going to die.

  The response comes slowly, leaves Eren hanging there, but when it comes, it's fierce, unrestrained, Levi practically tackling him, ravaging his mouth, demolishing any fears Eren had that he didn't return his affections as deeply.

  Still, when their lips finally part and they're staring at each other, panting, mere inches between their faces, Eren doesn't hear those words mirrored back at him as he expects, and he frowns when Levi presses his forehead against his.

  "I can't say it back," Levi breathes.

  "You don't love me…" Eren feels like he's dying, feels like something inside is shriveling up. Perhaps his heart.

  "It's not that. I do, but I can't say it."

  The urge to cry, push Levi off him, maybe punch him is there, but it's unfair, childish, Eren knows this, and he wants to give Levi the same chance to explain that he would expect Levi to give him, that Levi always _does_ give him. "Why?"

  Before he clarifies, Levi's sitting up, taking him into his arms, pulling Eren's head against his chest, and he holds him so tight, presses his lips against his forehead. "I'm afraid to say it."

  "Afraid?" Eren questions. He can feel tears pooling in his eyes.

  "That if I do…once I do, this world will take you from me." He kisses Eren's head, leans his cheek against his hair, feels the silkiness against his skin. "You're precious to me, more than anything else."

  ‘ _Precious.'_ It hangs for a moment, etches itself into Eren, and he thinks that word, that statement is better than an ‘I love you.’ Levi not only loves him but _treasures_ him, finds him more valuable than something one simply _loves_. He’s grateful Levi couldn’t speak those words because the confession he’s given is far more penetrating than an expression as unremarkable as what he desired to hear.

  “You’re precious to me too,” Eren says, leans his head back so he can glance up at Levi, finds his lips covered. It’s gentle and slow and searching, like the hands that begin to roam over his body as Levi shifts without breaking their kiss, pulling himself from beneath Eren, comes to lie atop him, their bodies slotted together perfectly as Levi settles between his spread thighs.

  It’s always intoxicating when they’re like this, but Eren feels hazier than usual, so nebulous he doesn’t notice Levi is undressing him until he ends their kiss to pull his shirt over his head. Then lips are back in less than a heartbeat, and Eren feels him unbuttoning his pants, and he fights through the cloud nearly tearing at Levi’s clothes, thankful neither of them is wearing their harnesses.

  And Levi just feels hungry, desperate to feel his skin against Eren’s once more. They’re both in some other place, separate from reality, a realm comprised only of them, the tie between them strengthened by their earlier revelations, and it catapults them forward, beckoning them to sanctify their previous declarations.

  There’s roughness, and something like starvation between them, building and building as they wrestle their clothing away, leave it strewn beside them, ignored for the heat of their bodies pressed together. Their cocks meet, and Levi moves against Eren, takes his lip between his teeth, holds it, whines into his mouth, for once, the one who is frantic instead of Eren.

  He’s taken aback by his need, and even more so when Eren rolls them, wraps himself around his body and lays on top of him. He slows their kiss, does what Levi does for him when he’s too keyed up, holds him tight.

  Levi calms under Eren’s softer touches and somehow through all the sensations, contemplates the significance of what Eren has just done for him, for them, as he feels his lips slide away and suck at his neck. He wants to melt into him; it’s as if they could float away. How Eren says he feels when they’re like this, and he has now gifted him what he always gives.

  They’re two pieces of a whole moving together, two bodies in the heavens dancing in orbit, incomplete without the other, flying out and apart never to stray, something stretched that will always snap back into place. He travels into Eren’s universe and Eren into his, and he sees through his eyes, feels through his heart. He knows they can’t die tomorrow after this, the fates couldn’t be that cruel, and he hopes Eren has felt this, thinks maybe he has as he feels lips trail lower down his chest, over his stomach. Not quick, not hard nips like Eren usually gives, but slow, smooth strokes of his tongue over his body and tender lingering presses of his mouth against his heated flesh.

  Something in Eren stirs as he moves lower, feels more at peace than he ever has before, and he grasps Levi’s length, jerks him off slow, almost torturously slow, just how he knows Levi likes. Frequently he isn’t this perfect, goes too fast, but he can tell by the sounds Levi is making that he’s doing it right. He’s never heard him make noises like this before. Drawn out moans teetering on the edge of whining, and he presses his other hand experimentally against Levi’s balls. The temptation to stray lower pummeling him when Levi pushes down hard against his hand kneading him.

  "Can I?" Eren asks, palm still pressed against Levi's balls, fingers ghosting over the skin under them, moving slowly downward. He didn't plan it, thought Levi would take him like always, but if this is the last night they’ll ever have, he wants to do it this way, at least once.

  Levi props himself on his elbows, looks down between his legs, sees Eren's hands there, watches the one teasing his cock while Eren waits for an answer. It's hot, and he can't pull his eyes away. They've not done this before, but Levi can feel Eren's anxiety about tomorrow and knows Eren well enough to have an awareness that he needs this. Needs to fuck it away, and Levi doesn't mind being that for him, loves that he's the only one who could ever be this for Eren. Levi knows that Eren chooses him because he loves him, not because of any other reason. And he wants it, wants Eren inside of him the same way he has been inside of Eren.

  He nods his consent, raises his hips slowly, sinfully, thrusts his cock into Eren's hand, presses down against the fingers nearing his ass.

  "I'll be careful," Eren assures, nervously wets his lips, and tries not to get too over-excited.

  "Just do what I do to you, and it'll be fine."

  Eren's anxious, it's amazing when Levi does this to him, feels good, and he knows Levi likes the other things he does, but this is different, Eren thinks while rummaging in his bag to retrieve the oil. His hands shake as he drips it onto his fingers, settles between Levi's thighs, runs his fingers over the skin around his entrance, and watches his face carefully as he presses inside.

  Levi’s quiet, but his back bows, arching up high, and he feels his thighs tense when Eren pulls out and pushes in again, faster. It’s different than he expected, makes his dick ache for Eren’s touch after a few more thrusts. His skin gets hot, and it’s like static is buzzing over him. He bites his lip, tries to stifle his cries, understands why Eren gets so loud when he does this to him. It’s hard to open his eyes, but he wants to look at Eren, watch the hand that he’s thankful is now stroking his cock.

  Eren's so careful, which is kind, sweet, but he’s trepidatious, and Levi wants something else. He looks at Eren’s face, admires him watching his finger disappearing inside of him, knows how much he loves watching that when he fingers Eren.

  “Eren,” Levi groans, almost can’t believe the voice he hears is coming from his own mouth. “More.”

  _More_. All Levi knows is he wants more of Eren inside of him now, not only physically, but spiritually, and he almost feels disappointed when Eren gives him another finger instead of his dick until he presses up against something inside of him.

  Eren’s eyes widen as he watches Levi’s face go from hazily passionate, then to something else entirely. His mouth opens in a silent cry, eyes screwing shut, and when Eren sees his neck stretch back, he can’t help but lean forward to lay kisses upon it.

  There’s a pull that’s different from when Levi touches him this way, equal in beauty and intensity to this, only different. It tugs him another direction, makes his chest swell with warmth, leaves him feeling more protective than he usually does over Levi, and he wonders if it’s like this for him when they make love.

  He doesn’t need to read Levi’s body so much when Levi fucks _him_ , but he’s beginning to understand how to when Levi grips his arm and starts to meet his thrusts harder. And when Eren tries to add another finger Levi stops him, pulls his face down inches from his own, holds his gaze. Blown-wide pupils stare back at him, and his eyes look almost pure black.

  “I don’t want to wait anymore,” Levi whispers, and it’s nearly all breath, hits Eren's lips, makes him want to taste him. The kisses are different now, balancing on the edge of something wonderous. As they explore one another, Eren’s more forceful than usual, and Levi basks in it, the feeling of him caring for him, the knowledge that Eren is worshipping him how he worships Eren.

  Difficult as it is to break away from those kisses, Eren does, oils himself, thrusts into his hand seductively, encouraged by Levi watching him, drapes himself over his body, and presses himself firmly against his ass before he stills. He’s nervous, doesn’t want to be, but he’s never done this, and he chews his lips as Levi locks eyes with him, the same way he did the first time they made love.

  As Eren slowly moves forward, all the hesitation is pushed away when he hears that word.

  “Precious.” Murmured against his mouth as Levi leans up, brushes lips over his.

  Levi trembles against him as he moves forward, kisses him until he pulls back and presses in again and he can’t concentrate anymore, can’t hold his head up. All he can do is hug Eren tighter, his body overwhelmed by the sensation, not discomfort but an intensity like nothing he has felt before.  

  Eren feasts on Levi’s neck, littering it with nips and reddening marks which he knows now won’t leave Levi angry with him. Legs wrap around Eren’s waist, and then Levi is using strong thighs to pull his hips up, crashing up into every thrust, and the sounds of their cries sail out into the darkness, echo against the wall and through the forest.

  The rhythm carries on fast until Eren grinds into Levi, goes as deep as he can, then slower when Levi grasps his ass and holds him there for a moment. Levi is pulling him against him as hard as he can, sucking on Eren’s shoulder, let’s out a whine when Eren strokes his cock.

  Eren wants Levi to see stars, wants him to feel the same things that he makes him feel. He nuzzles his cheek against Levi’s, coaxes his head back down, and whispers, “Look at me.”

  And Levi’s eyes flutter open, green eye’s shining at him in the flicker of the fire, conveying all the same love they always do. They narrow determinedly as Eren strokes his cock, slams into him, tries so hard to push him over the edge he’s nearly about to tumble down.

  “I’m not letting you go,” Eren breathes, words Levi spoke to him the first night they sealed their bond. It’s what sends Levi into that beautiful oblivion, his seed covering his stomach and Eren’s hand, his entire body quaking as Eren strokes him through his orgasm, drives into him as he trembles around him.

  It feels like Levi is hanging off of him everywhere, surrounding him, the feel of his body squeezing Eren through the aftershocks enough to take Eren down with him. He comes with a whine, milking himself as he spills into Levi’s body, kisses him deep as the feeling begins to wash away, wraps his arms around him as tight as he can.

  Levi can’t tell Eren they aren't going to die, won’t say it because he doesn’t know, and he will never make a promise he can’t keep, but if this is their fate, both of them can leave this world knowing they share something no one else has.


End file.
